Saturday, 7 September 2013

‘Why is life so damn hard?’ (living life as a Dyspraxic) by , Dyslexia Dublin CETC © 2013

We always believe others before we believe ourselves. We find so many negatives in our life and for those parents who have specific learning needs themselves, you have been there. For those who are parents, you are there or on the way through your children who have specific learning needs. How can we overcome the negativity given by others and on occasions induced by us?

When you have problems relating to day to day events and you are so called ”mainstream”, you can analyse most events in your life. If you have specific learning needs, your confidence is already damaged and you believe that you are illiterate, useless, no good at anything, a burden on others... however, this is so far from the truth. We have to realise that yes, this is difficult, but we really do bring different things to the party.

All too often the only voice we hear is the one in our own head and we let it dictate to us, even when others are kind of making sense, we fail to hear them.

We hold grudges from previous comments and that makes us believe our own thoughts even more, so we are in a vicious circle. How do we step off this mind blowing, soul destroying merry go round?

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"When you doubt your power, you give power to your doubt.” Honore de Balzac

You can’t do it! You’ll never be good enough! You’re going to fail!
I was the ’under’ child/adult - Underachiever... Underdog... Underactive.

I remember to this day being told by my father that I couldn’t have football boots because I couldn’t play football, so guess what?... I follow rugby and he hasn’t the first clue about rugby and therefore he cannot judge me… the power of positive thought!

I wanted to paint but was told I never would… if you have a passion for it go for it… I did!

I always enjoyed poetry and guess what?... all who knew me, knocked me and yes, I write poetry!

I wanted to learn a foreign language but I was constantly negatively corrected, so ended up leaving it. Years later, when I had gained enough confidence, I realised others had misjudged my ability to learn and I did take up learning some languages.
So often I used to refrain from doing something I had an interest in because of self-doubt put into my head by others… I had almost become conditioned.

Self-doubt will creep into the minds of all who exist, but those with sky high confidence can put it to the back of their minds, shake it off and move forward, even if only till it raises its head again. However, there are those (I count myself as a former one) that find it almost impossible to let go.
You need to find a way, don’t let it beat you at any cost. Take a positive approach to new tasks and those you currently struggle with . Remember the words of that song “Don’t stop believing”... it’s the only way to ensure a positive healthy life.
I can remember trying to do my shoe laces and failing and thinking I was stupid, but a girl from our road believed in me and took the time to show me how to tie them and showed all the patience in the world… I succeeded, even though it took most of the day!
Find confident and understanding people to be around, move away from negative self-doubters.
You have many strengths, start now by writing them down. What a list!... see, did you realise you were good at so many things?
I have had so many knocks to my confidence as you can see from reading the above and could never figure out why... those who lack belief in you fall into two categories, those who are jealous and those who don’t understand you.
I was told constantly by my teachers and my family that I was lazy, lethargic, stupid… to name a few.
I always wanted to give something back to others and teaching beckoned, but I was resistant due to all the negatives thrown at me over the years… one of the messages I portray to others is to believe in yourself and see through others that insist in standing in your way… you will quickly recognise those who are genuine.

At one point I was asked what I wanted to be (around 5-6 years old), I replied “a dog”’… my entire family laughed at me and do you know what, they still remind me of it to this day. Looking back, the reasoning behind my choice was simple… people seem to under the dog, whereas few (if any) understood me. Little is expected from dogs and they are shown affection and understanding. Dogs are levellers and will always be happy to see you know matter what the days, months and years bring… they never pre-judge and if they out live you, they will morn your passing for the rest of their days.

We are prone to believing much of what we are told by parents/siblings/peers and teachers… we internalize so much. There will come a time when you will decide (Thomas Edison’s childhood so resonates with me).

How many children/adults do well in exams and yet some people will always look at the points you lost… .80% in your exam… what did you get wrong!

I remember watching Jacque Cousteau on the TV and he used to get up to everything with his underwater adventure documentaries. His motto was ‘Face your fears, trust your judgement and have a go… don’t spend a minute of your life living with regret’.

If you are reading this as a parent that struggled through childhood like me, break the mould… it’s old… past! It’s best, like so many of those who doubted us for so many years, to share your life with those who believe in you and are there to witness your success and, believe me, failures will be few.
Embrace your children’s success and help them when things go wrong, they don’t need to be put in a bubble or taught to look at life through rose tinted glasses, but be positive even when there is little to be positive about, you will always find something they are doing a 100% and it’s no harm to remind them of that, as this will help increase their self-confidence.

Be assured there will come a time, maybe not now, but sometime in the future when they will make you so proud and when they do, make sure you are ready to say,” I knew you could do it!”.
Remember… dreams CAN become reality if enough belief is shown by others.
Does this sound like you… or anyone your know?...

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